When I hear the word “succulence” is reminds me of a childhood memory…wait for it… a suckling pig. You see, I grew up in a household of many pig roasts. Birthdays, anniversaries, my father’s work functions held at our house and celebrations of all sorts consisted of the roasting of a sucking pig over hot charcoals from the early wee morning hours into the afternoon. So it’s kind of a cluster mess in my head because it is a pig (something that I normally associate being a larger animal) yet this is a small baby pig that only fed on its mother’s milk for two to six months. Keep this is mind as you continue to read.
Anyway. I am working really hard on reverting my words inside my head into poetry to my heart. I want my words to be kind, loving, and non-judgmental towards myself. I would be lying to you if I said I was living that!! My head is a verbal war of unhealthy thoughts towards myself. What I am trying to get at is... I feel like I am large and in charge!! There, I said it. I feel FAT. I feel BLOATED, I feel HUGE, I feel Colossal. And you know what?? From being down in my 160’s... in shape... 5 Time Marathon Completer......multiple half marathons..... to where I am now..is just…ugh, beyond frustrating. I did it to myself. Too much Mac-and-Cheese. Way too much comfort eating from last year has crept up. Lots of beer, wine and cheese. Ironically, I still went to the YMCA three to four times a week…but when my diet intake doesn’t align with the stars of my workouts…I am nothing. Here is the PROOF!
Today’s Weigh-In:
184.2 LBS.
NOT my idea of a Bodacious Body for me…
I can’t believe I just typed that. In my conscious I see a happy picture of me…with the words “Bodacious Blog of Succulence” on the marquee above my head… but my ugly subconscious tells me something else. She sees a “Succulent Pig (or Donut) Race” on the big screen at a at the Major League Baseball Game. You know the visual I am speaking of…there are three different colored or flavored donuts (replace he donut with a cute piggy) running around a track trying to cross the finish line in order for you to win a Donut or Coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts?
Gah--The whole world now knows MY weight. Embarrassed, in tears, ashamed…and…it’s summer. I mean, last month I was 10LBs heavier… thus, I know I am making moves in the right direction. Now I just need to make sure that I am keeping up with my tracking, working out and attending my Weight Watchers meetings.
Oh, and of course—speak well to myself for I know that it is 80% of my personal successes.
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| Dear Self, Remember the way you felt after the Chicago Marathon?!
You still have it in you! Go get 'em Girl!
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The Giant Burrito! (The GIANT Burrito Bowl! for me)
All point related foods:
4oz of Ground Turkey with Low Sodium Taco Seasoning (4PTS+)
½ Cup of Fat Free Refried Beans (2PTS+)
1/8 Cup of Fat Free Sour Cream (1PTS+)
¼ of an Avocado (2PTS+)
2 TBS of Fresca Queso Salsa (1PTS+)
La Tortilla Low Carb (3PTS+)
1 TSP of olive oil (for my Grilled Onions)
All of the FREE foods:
Fresh Diced off the vine tomatoes
Romaine
Cilantro
Grilled Onions
Don’t underestimate the simplicity of this. I mean, I know…it is a ‘Rito but GOOD GOLY it is something that is so filling AND has thousands of ways that it could be tailored to your liking (and in a potentially point friendly manner)!! As an example, I didn’t use any avocado last night and skipped the tortilla thus my bowl was 8PTS+ and I was FULL! I just packed on the Romaine and Tomatoes like it was the last time they would be pulled from the garden. Oh, and I may have provided an extra oomph of Fresca Queso and sour cream to mix everything together to create more of a Mexican Goulash! So cheesy, so gooey, so yummy. Ugh, I am salivating for it right now. Johnson’s ended up being 14PTS+ (he added one more OZ of turkey to his burrito) . This meal created a happy couple. So, so good. I ended the night with a 50 minute bike ride on the Blue Boo Hello Kitty Cruiser which made me a happy, happy girl.
I know this was a semi-downer post which I promise you will be reverted to a positive blog—but I must remain true to the way that I feel and work out these demons in my head.
So, how are you feeling? How do you safe yourself from the negative talk in your head?
Best,
Tiffany Noelle.
***This was a very difficult post for me to write and actually post for the world to see. I am only expressing the way that I feel about myself and am in no way, shape or form trying for this post to be offensive to persons of the blog world. I started this blog as a way for me to express the good, the bad, and the ugly of the 180 transformation I am so gladly going through currently.***
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