No Heat Monday.....

51 degrees. That is what the temperature was in my house this morning. Over sized pillows laid against the cold steel bed frame that we laid in. I didn't want to move. My throat was caked with that residue that had been there since last night so it hurt to swallow. TMI, I know. However, I also know that you ALL know the stuff that I am talking about. Regardless, the furnace guy is coming over to the house tomorrow and I cannot wait to see what happens. I am praying that my furnace will be OK and just needs something done to switch on!! Pray, pray... pray!!I really don't have tons of money to be flying around on that sort of stuff right now. London is coming up before you know it...and I want to make sure that I have some extra spending money ready and available to enjoy "over the pond".

Anyway. Weight Watchers has started in full swing again. I am enjoying a Pro5 shake for both lunch and then for dinner and then fresh and healthy snacking to make sure that I am eating all of my 29 points a day.
Tonight will be the first night in a LONG time that I go to Zumba, but I really need to make sure that I get back into the swing of things so that I can fit into my wedding dress!! ;) Yup, that is our plan. Johnson and I are going to start kicking things into high gear so that when our big day comes, we will be sassy and sexy walking down the isle together as Mr. and Mrs. Johnson Black.  P90X will be starting next week--but this week I will be heading to the Y today and Wednesday so that I can get back into the swing of things. Oh, and then....tomorrow is VOTE DAY!!!! I believe that this is going to be an incredibly close race as to who is going to win...but my gut said that Romney is going to take the win. We shall see.

We have been shopping for rings...it has been such an amazingly, fun time!! It is interesting to see what I like, and what Johnson likes...but so far I think we both have agreed and liked a particular Black Diamond Ring....I cannot wait for the day to come when Johns and I come together to make one. We have had such an amazing relationship with one another thus far that I can only imagine that it is going to be even better once everything falls into place.

Anyway: Food Diary of the day:
Mar's Famous Egg Sammy= 9 PTS+
Pro5 Vanilla Shake=3 PTS+
Sweet Peppers =0 PTS+
Hot Chocolate=1PTS+
Loaded Baked Potato Soup=8PTS+

That leaves me with 8PTS+ points for dinner.
I could have a shake and one cup of soup which, I think will make an excellent way to end the day.
I will also get 4 Activity Points for Zumba...but I think I am going to leave those untouched.

I need to go down and spend at least 20 minutes in the basement so that when the guy comes he doesn't think that I live in a Zoo...I also need to get some laundry done!!!

On track thus far, I cannot falter now...I need at least 5 days ON PLAN...and then have a sensible weekend ahead!!

Lovies.
T.

Bodacious Bod…I mean... Blog of Succulence

When I hear the word “succulence” is reminds me of a childhood memory…wait for it… a suckling pig. You see, I grew up in a household of many pig roasts. Birthdays, anniversaries, my father’s work functions held at our house and celebrations of all sorts consisted of the roasting of a sucking pig over hot charcoals from the early wee morning hours into the afternoon. So it’s kind of a cluster mess in my head because it is a pig (something that I normally associate being a larger animal) yet this is a small baby pig that only fed on its mother’s milk for two to six months. Keep this is mind as you continue to read.

Anyway.  I am working really hard on reverting my words inside my head into poetry to my heart. I want my words to be kind, loving, and non-judgmental towards myself. I would be lying to you  if I said I was living that!! My head is a verbal war of unhealthy thoughts towards myself.  What I am trying to get at is... I feel like I am large and in charge!! There, I said it. I feel FAT. I feel BLOATED, I feel HUGE, I feel Colossal. And you know what?? From being down in my 160’s... in shape... 5 Time Marathon Completer......multiple half marathons..... to where I am now..is just…ugh, beyond frustrating. I did it to myself. Too much Mac-and-Cheese. Way too much comfort eating from last year has crept up. Lots of beer, wine and cheese. Ironically, I still went to the YMCA three to four times a week…but when my diet intake doesn’t align with the stars of my workouts…I am nothing. Here is the PROOF!

Today’s Weigh-In:

184.2 LBS.

NOT my idea of a Bodacious Body for me…  

I can’t believe I just typed that. In my conscious I see a happy picture of me…with the words “Bodacious Blog of Succulence” on the marquee above my head… but my ugly subconscious tells me something else. She sees a “Succulent Pig (or Donut) Race” on the big screen at a at the Major League Baseball Game. You know the visual I am speaking of…there are three different colored or flavored donuts (replace he donut with a cute piggy) running around a track trying to cross the finish line in order for you to win a Donut or Coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts?

Gah--The whole world now knows MY weight. Embarrassed, in tears, ashamed…and…it’s summer. I mean, last month I was 10LBs heavier… thus, I know I am making moves in the right direction. Now I just need to make sure that I am keeping up with my tracking, working out and attending my Weight Watchers meetings.

Oh, and of course—speak well to myself for I know that it is 80% of my personal successes.  

Dear Self,
 Remember the way you felt after the Chicago Marathon?!

        You still have it in you! Go get 'em Girl!

Last night was a typical night with the exception of the heat and odd bursts of wind that made the leaves on the trees dance their pods off. It felt like it was in the hundos with the heat index! I left work and ran to the grocery store to pick up this week’s treasures. Johnson was coming into town because he still doesn’t have a air conditioning unit in his place. His request for dinner?

The Giant Burrito! (The GIANT Burrito Bowl! for me)

All point related foods:

4oz of Ground Turkey with Low Sodium Taco Seasoning (4PTS+)

½ Cup of Fat Free Refried Beans (2PTS+)

1/8 Cup of Fat Free Sour Cream (1PTS+)

¼ of an Avocado (2PTS+)

2 TBS of Fresca Queso Salsa (1PTS+)

La Tortilla Low Carb (3PTS+)

1 TSP of olive oil (for my Grilled Onions)

All of the FREE foods:

Fresh Diced off the vine tomatoes

Romaine

Cilantro

Grilled Onions

Don’t underestimate the simplicity of this. I mean, I know…it is a ‘Rito but GOOD GOLY it is something that is so filling AND has thousands of ways that it could be tailored to your liking (and in a potentially point friendly manner)!! As an example, I didn’t use any avocado last night and skipped the tortilla thus my bowl was 8PTS+ and I was FULL! I just packed on the Romaine and Tomatoes like it was the last time they would be pulled from the garden. Oh, and I may have provided an extra oomph of Fresca Queso and sour cream to mix everything together to create more of a Mexican Goulash! So cheesy, so gooey, so yummy. Ugh, I am salivating for it right now. Johnson’s ended up being 14PTS+ (he added one more OZ of turkey to his burrito) . This meal created a happy couple. So, so good. I ended the night with a 50 minute bike ride on the Blue Boo Hello Kitty Cruiser which made me a happy, happy girl.

I know this was a semi-downer post which I promise you will be reverted to a positive blog—but I must remain true to the way that I feel and work out these demons in my head.

So, how are you feeling? How do you safe yourself from the negative talk in your head?

Best,

Tiffany Noelle.

***This was a very difficult post for me to write and actually post for the world to see. I am only expressing the way that I feel about myself and am in no way, shape or form trying for this post to be offensive to persons of the blog world. I started this blog as a way for me to express the good, the bad, and the ugly of the 180 transformation I am so gladly going through currently.***



Introduction to The 180 Factor : The Reason Why

Why?! I mean--that question can pertain to a lot of things around life, right?!

"Why am I where I am today? Why didn't I remember to take out the trash and recycling bin? Why would he/she say and or do that? Why did I wear this? Why didn't I say what I wanted to? Why am I letting myself go? What does he/she still live rent free in my head? WHY DID I JUST EAT THAT?!"

Yup-just a few of the questions that fill my head on a daily bases. However recently...FOOD seems to be the WHY's of lately.

The FOOD Diaries (or literally speaking the lack there of)
I have to admit it...both to myself, and to you--the reader. I have to be held accountable for my actions because clearly my relationship with food is something that is not "healthy" in my life.

Having been a woman that has dealt with eating disorders in the past--FOOD  is a hard pill for me to swallow...at one point literally a pill (not that it was hard for me to take). It became an addiction. It became something that I needed to have in order to function. My body wouldn't run off of the natural energies of life. I had to feed my body pills stuffed with things that who knows what!! It is scary to think what this will do to my body as I get older in life.

Then, binge and purge...yup..that was me too. Hit over the 200 pound mark and couldn't stand to face who I saw in the mirror. There was no way I couldn't eat...I had to eat...that became my pill. It went from comfort to devastation station in a matter of moments. I knew that the amount of calories and what I was eating wasn't going to be of nutritional value in any way and felt that I needed to indulge just to get rid of it asap. Talk about expensive.

Then, the stress factor. When things went south the only thing that I felt that I could control was  the input and output of food....which...for awhile...became  nothing. I didn't eat. Unhealthy relationships equated to me having unhealthy behaviors.

So what now? Life is full of smiles and grace. Eating has become a social extravaganza again.It seems that most things are related to and around food. Double Dates to a restaurant and/or going to the movies make me need to move it at the YMCA a little more than I already am. ZUMBA!!!!

What ever happened to my portion control? Knowing when to STOP and be thankful when enough is enough...and what about this evil word..... Bevies (aka drinks)!!! Something had to change---so after having lost 40 pounds on Weight Watchers before and having gained all <if not more> of it back--I decided to take it on again!! I can have my cake and eat it too so long as it is in my points and I build around my social activities. Ha--speaking of which--it is a good thing that Weight Watchers provides me with 48 extra points that I can use throughout the week because with weekends such as this past....I NEED THEM for moments like this:

               CHI-Town STAND UP!--  Johnson and Me on the Shoreline Taxi headed to Navy Pier

  June 16, 2012:Beer was 4P+

I am on the way to a healthy me.  I have really come to terms with the Ebb and Flow of life...the gives and the takes. There is always something that just seems a little off...and while everything in my personal and work life is pretty kosher....weight is a huge BUBBLE hanging above me head. I don't feel good with where I am. I feel unhealthy, flabby and smooshy around the middle section with strong legs. Thus--it is a work in process. Feeling good about myself and regaining the self confidence that once was is and will be worked on a daily bases.

Fortunately for me, I have a beautiful *handsome* boyfriend who is more supportive than a $180 sports bra!!(call me nuts but I have some DD's on this chest! : p) He jumped on the Weight Watchers train and is losing with me. It makes it fun to have such a fabulous support system right at my finger tips. Although he loves "every inch of me" and purposely makes me look at myself in the mirror after a shower to point out everything that is "beautiful"---it is ME...not HIM...I am on this journey for me..but also so that when we decide to start our family ---we have a healthy, happy life ahead of us. I know that the near future holds so much good. God is good. I have been blessed.

Follow me, would you??  It's time for a 180 of mind, body and soul. It is The 180 Factor!
Cheers to the Present...living in the moment.......and manifesting a fantastic future.

What's to come tomorrow you might ask? The first blogtastic weight-in (inckie nan)!!!

Lovies,
Tiffany Noelle.

Okay, whew.  I have 25 more minutes before my alarm goes off. Maybe I should go take a walk, it seems so tranquil, so serene. Star would like it...and we really didn't do anything active for her yesterday. Pray, I need to pray for the day, I think I feel asleep in the midst of praying/thinking of what all happened during the day and diving into my procrastination pool that adds to the list of what needs to be done today. I told her the 10th, right?! I need to follow-up with that to make sure. Ugh, I cannot believe that I have to go back into where I left off on Friday--I need to make sure that I send the boss the update that she was looking for in order for her to get it to her boss. Cannot forget. Does she really like me? Or does she just want me to hear what she has to say? It is so different. Last year I sat in a cold spot in the middle of Illinois somewhere with a burning wrist and stinging tears of a devastation weekend. Stop thinking about it. I really need to get out of bed, the alarm is to be going off in a minute or so. I feel so bloated, so fat. Speak nice to yourself.  Guess I am going to have to take that morning walk tomorrow. Maybe I should set my alarm a few more minutes early...then I will feel bad if I don't wake up and walk (Whoople, whooble a wee, bad da ba da;Whoople, whooble a wee, bad da ba da) I have to change this alarm noise, it drives me insane every time I hear it in the morning. Not a good way to come into a brand new day. I love him so much, waking up to him is one of the best feelings in the world. I love that his skin still smells of Nivea when he comes in and cuddles me before he puts on his work clothes to head out the door. Soft kisses touch my forehead reaching down to my brow. Mint kissed lips and teeth grabbing softly onto my dragon infested bottom lip. Not the time to think about this. I have to get UP! Beautiful Perfection. Crap. I didn't call her back. It's been almost four days. Is he as happy as I am? I still think it is unjust that for so long THIS is what I dreamt of us for so long. Feet hit floor. I can't keep doing this to myself. She locked it, good. I hope she keeps it that way. Got to move. Power Button. POWER 96, wake up, wake up, wake up!! Bathroom. Seriously, what the heck is up with Asparagus. Face looks bloated today. Great. Need to get water after I let Star out. Don't try to eat the bees, Mimi. Crap its almost 10 after the hour. I need to grab a towel from the downstairs bathroom. Maybe I should just take a shower downhere. No, that new razor is up stairs. I need to call Lo and see if she wants to hang out. It is the first Thursday of the month. Yes, I am rockin' Jordan's but I ain't a jump man. That is all I need is for her to have another. Starrrrr?! Hi good girl. Want your breaky? Okay, so filtered or unfiltered. I'll go with filtered.  Here you go. Must get in the shower. Drake...whenever I get in the shower it's Drake or "It's not even my birthday". I love dancing in here. Hello Dr. Brommers. Your're peppermint lace around my body feels energizing. I hear him saying that his eyes are burning. Poor baby, how did such a woman as myself get so lucky to have a man like this? God, I believe now more that ever that you put me through what you did so I could see how lucky and sweet it is to have such a respectable man in  my life now. I find it unfair that all of his mistakes had to be made on me...but I guess in the end it is worth it. I pray that he treats his new GF with love and respect with no cheating or things behind her back. Maybe they have a mutual understanding. Or, maybe she cheats on him. Karma. I am so hungry and I have to track all of my points. Day 1 of no drinking.  Did I really tell Mark that yesterday? I may have provided too much information. I wonder how far Johnson is on his way to work. Gah, I am thirsty and I forgot to get my water. TBC.